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From the Mouths of Babes

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Written by: Andrew Kassel
Category: Other Stuff
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Priceless quotes from our children:
Laura (while helping Mommy make Gooey Butter Cake): "Mommy, can I stir the GOO?"
Laura: "I'm REALLY good at 'thinking about it'."  (When they get in trouble at daycare, they are often told to go sit and "think about it."
Laura: "I'm 3 now.  I will wash my OWN hands."
Mommy: "OK, go wash your hands then."
Laura: "Mommy, you're supposed to help me!"
Laura (who wanted Goldfish for a snack):  "Mommy, God wouldn't have made Goldfish if he didn't want me to eat them."
 
Laura (while taking a bath): "I was going to play cards with the pretend kids in the bathtub."
 
Laura (very sternly, after we said she was funny): "I'm not funny, I have a name!  My name doesn't start with funny.  My name starts with Laura."
At daycare, the kids were getting ready to go play outdoors on a winter day.  Laura began digging through the coat bin looking for a coat.  Cheryl is the daycare provider.
Cheryl: Laura, your coat is in your cubby.
Laura: Yeah, but my coat is SOOOOO boring.
 
 
Laura, getting ready to climb into bed for the night: "This disaster needs to be picked up." (referring to the mess in her room)
 
 
Laura, having gotten out of bed (again): "I have a growing pain.  I ate a lot of cheese and broccoli for dinner, and I grew too much!"
 
 
Laura, getting ready to watch an episode of The Backyardigans: "Mommy, I can't watch 'Robot Rampage.'  It's too robotty.
Erica: "But you just watched WALL-E last night.  That's ALL robots."
Laura: "No, Mommy, there are people.  They're fat."
 
 
Laura, playing with plastic food: "Oh, crap."
Andy: "Laura, what did you just say?"
Laura: "Oh, crap."
Andy: "Why did you say that word?"
Laura: "Because I lost my tomato."
 
 
Laura, looking at the frozen beef brisket thawing on the counter: "It's good to know there's chicken under the ice."
Erica: "Laura, that's beef, not chicken."
Laura: "No mommy, it's chicken."
Erica: "I didn't know chickens got that big, Laura."
Laura: "You're not going to the right chicken store."
 
 
Early one Saturday morning....
John: "Come on Laura, wake up Daddy!"
Laura: "No, Johnny, he's not a morning person like we are."
 
 
First thing in the morning on Mommy's birthday:
Daddy: "Johnny, today is Mommy's birthday.  Say 'happy birthday' to Mommy."
John: "It's not her birthday.  I don't see cake."
 
 
Overheard in the bathtub one evening:
John: "Mommy!  MOMMY!  LAURA HIT MY PEE-PEE PARTS!"
 
 
John, upon wandering into our bedroom and discovering Erica changing clothes: "Why you naked, Mommy?  I not naked.  Why you naked?"
 
 
While driving John to daycare one morning in November, at the height of deer season and shortly after seeing 4 deer cross the road in front of us:
John:  "Daddy!  Deer!"
Daddy:  "Yes, John.  4 deer.  Keep your eyes open in case you see more.  We don't want to hit them with the truck.  You know what happens if we do?"
John:  "We knock them over?"
 
 
Cheryl was going to take the daycare to Oakland Pool one day.
John: "Daddy, we're going to Oakland Pool today!"
Daddy: "Wow, that's great!  I wish I could go too.  Can I go with you?"
John:  "No, Daddy.  You're too big.  You can't fit in Miss Cheryl's van."
 
 
While getting ready to go for a walk with the kids riding their bikes:
John: "Daddy, I'm going to get an engine on my bike!"
Daddy: "You're not getting an engine on your bike."
John: "No, I mean tomorrow!"
 
 
John (to Laura): "Chocolate chip cookies are always made with the chocolate chips in them, right Laura?"
 
 
John: "Mommy, you have to stop saying I am a mini-version of Daddy. My name is JOHN! He is ANDY! That means I am not a mini version of Daddy. We don't have the same name."
 
John: "Ow, my weenie! I shocked my weenie!"
Laura: "I only pooped in church!" (age 13)

Fortune Cookies

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Category: Other Stuff
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This is a list of some of the more interesting fortunes I have received in fortune cookies in Chinese restaurants.  When you read them, be sure to add the phrase "in bed" to the end!

  • Your lucky number for this week is the number five.  (5 was NOT listed on the back)
  • Now is the time for you to explore.  Take a vacation.  (clearly should have been in an "advice cookie")
  • Your respect for others will be your ticket to success.
  • Your judgement is a little off at this time.  Rely on friends.
  • You discover treasures where others see nothing unusual.
  • A four-wheeled adventure will soon bring you happiness.
  • You will attend an unusual party and meet someone important.
  • You have an active mind and a keen imagination.
  • Need some adventure and enjoyment?  Take a vacation.  (another advice cookie)
  • Tomorrow your creative side will shine forth with exceptional ideas.
  • An enjoyable vacation is awaiting you near the mountains.  (I see a pattern)
  • You will soon bring joy to someone.
  • Smile A nice cake is waiting for you.  Smile  (yes, the smiles were included, but I was hoping for *pie*)
  • Don't underestimate yourself.  Your social skills are needed by others at this time.
  • You will be the guest of a gracious host within the month.
  • Soon, you will receive pleasant news.
  • You will soon receive help from an unexpected source.
  • Treat yourself to something of quality.  You deserve it.
  • You should be able to undertake and complete anything you desire.
  • Investigate new possibilities with friends.  Now is the time!
  • Now is a good time to finish up old tasks.
  • Do something unusual tomorrow.
  • You will have good luck in your personal affairs.
  • You shouldn't overspend at the moment.  Frugality is important.
  • There are lessons to be learned by listening to others.
  • You will have gold pieces by the bushel.  (I suppose this would be great in WoW or D&D)
  • You will obtain your goal if you maintain your course.
  • Your hard work is about to pay off.
  • Your path may be difficult, but will be rewarding.
  • Things are not always what they seem.  It's not that bad!  (How comforting.)
  • Investigate new possibilities with friends.  Now is the time!
  • Now is the best time for you to be spontaneous.  Serendipity!
  • You will make a change for the better.
  • This year your highest priority will be your family.
  • You will soon be the center of attention.  (Maybe this one should have been for Laura?)
  • Do not dwell on differences with a loved one.  Try to compromise.
  • You will make a change for the better.
  • A long lost relative will surface soon to your benefit!  (Surface?  As in, float to the surface?)
  • The world will soon be ready to receive your talents.
  • Keep your feet on the ground even though friends flatter you.
  • Tomorrow is a good day for trying something new.  (Nothing like procrastination, eh?)
  • Remember three months from this date.  Good things are in store for you.  (That'll be August 18, 2010, if you're counting)
  • Tomorrow will be lucky and memorable for you.
  • This year your highest priorty will be your family.
  • Take some needed time to relax in the next few days.  (Got this one right before taking a couple days off work!)
  • Old friends, old wines, and old gold are best.
  • Your imagination will point you in a new directions.  Go for it!
  • You will attend an unusual party and meet someone important.
  • You will have good luck in your personal affairs this month.
  • You will soon be receiving sound spoken advice.  Listen!
  • This year your highest priority will be your family.
  • Focus on your long-term goal.  Good things will soon happen.
  • A pleasant surprise is in store for you soon.
  • Any doubts you may have will disappear early this month.
  • Don't worry about the stock market.  Invest in family.
  • Now is a good time to call a loved one at a distance from you.
  • Today will be lucky and memorable for you.
  • Don't underestimate yourself.  Your social skills are needed by others at this time.
  • A movie would be a great way to relax this weekend.
  • You will bring sunshine into someone's life.
  • Success will be yours at home and in business in the next month.
  • You will be rewarded for your efforts within the month.
  • Don't Underestimate yourself.  Your social skills are needed by others at this time.
  • Next full moon brings an enchanting evening.
  • The social scene can be fun today.
  • Focus on the color purple this week to bring you luck.
  • Something on four wheels will soon be a fun investment for you!
  • Next full moon brings an enchanting evening.
  • You will soon be involved in many gatherings and parties.
  • You should enhance your feminine side at this time.
  • You could prosper in the field of entertainment.
  • You will make many changes before settling satisfactorily.
  • Smile Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think. Smile (Smileys included.)
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